a new start

2004-02-09T18:52:00.000-08:00

Yeah so life sucks as of now...I cant sing or act (if you saw the auditions today you would very well know that) I screwed up completely and walked out of the try-out theater and started balling my eyes out..I can dance I know that much but it is a musical and well I would love so much just to be a part of it not even like crew IM sick of being stuck on crew I hate it I do it because I love barnstormers. Its not like it is my dream to become an actress but I would like it very much so to just have this one wish it would make me happy and right now I need a lot of being happy ..I cant remember when I ever was..

2004-01-18T10:50:00.000-08:00

So I was born with this kidney thing. I have had 15 major surgeries and now I am left with only one kidney. Well the medicine is not working and my kidney is like shutting down almost and causing a lot of problems for me. I have always known that I would have to have " one last" surgery but I might mean that I may have more problems than I started with or it might fix it all together, right now im looking more toward the not working part. If I get this done it would have to be soon which means giving up snowboarding, and dance, I cant do that...it would also mean I would be a couch potato not going to school for over a month and I would have to be in the hospital again for over 2 weeks. I know god made me this way and I shouldn’t be angry with him but why did this happen to me, why did this happen to my friend who died a few years ago at 15 of the same problems? Be lucky for what you have and how lucky you have it because others don’t have it so good...

2004-01-04T01:01:00.000-08:00

I'm sleep deprived!!! Once again it's a late night I have taken NyQuil and some melatonon to help me sleep and right now it is not working out so well..That was about 10ish? THINGS SHOULD WORK IN LIKE 10 MINS NOT 2 HOURS! How do both of my brothers stay up this late its so impossible for me to do, bob my oldest brother is sitting on the couch with 2 of his friends again doing nothing but watching stupid late night T.V. shows. HMmmmMm damn technically it's now Sunday and I have to go to school tomorrow urgh I hate school with a passion on the plus side I do get to see someone =0) so that makes it slightly better defiantly not going to jazz workshop in the morning because its too early and " I forgot" is a good choice of words in this case, plus I probably have production crew which is not so fun okay time to go to bed the tea is kicking in and IM starting to yawn..Good night

2004-01-02T02:58:00.000-08:00

Its 2:30 am! What am I doing? Sometimes the things you want most are the farthest out of reach but yet they are so close to you in a sense that you can just drive to see them. why is it that people don’t make their move when they think the person the like has a bf/gf but is not entirely sure of themselves why not just take that chance, is it because most of us are afraid of losing that person all together or when we are not sure (about the bf/gf situation) have we already made up our minds and tell ourselves it is in fact true? so anyway I’m listening to Good Charlotte and I’m playing Hold On repeatedly I guess because it kind of reminds me of this problem. if anybody knows how to get someone out of your head then please please tell me soon , I need to stop this I’m not sure if he would fell the same I’m thinking not so much ,oh well its a long shot..